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How to make friends as an adult (without dating apps)

8 October 2026 · Hasty

The short answer: adult friendships grow from repeated, low-pressure contact: seeing the same people again and again, or writing back and forth over time. Pick one or two regular things (a class, a club, a pen pal) and keep showing up.

You’re not the only one

8% of US adults say they have no close friends (Pew Research Center, 2023), and in a 2024 survey by the American Psychiatric Association, 30% of adults felt lonely at least once a week. Moving cities, working remotely, and friends having children all thin out a social life without anyone doing anything wrong.

Ways to meet people that actually work

• Go somewhere regularly. The same class, climbing gym, choir or volunteer shift every week. Familiarity does most of the work.
• Join something with a shared task. A book club, a running group, a community garden: it gives you something to talk about besides yourselves.
• Be the one who suggests a second time. “Same time next week?” is how acquaintances turn into friends.
• Write to people. Pen pals are friendship at a gentle pace, and distance doesn’t matter.

Why friendship apps can feel like dating apps

Many friendship apps borrow the dating-app format: photos first, swipe, match, small talk, fizzle. In a 2024 Forbes Health survey, 78% of dating-app users said they felt burned out by the apps at least sometimes, and friendship apps built the same way can feel the same.

What helps is a format where you get to know someone through what they say, not how they look.

Apps to make friends

The best apps to make friends match you on something you share and give the conversation time to grow. When choosing a friendship app for adults, look for: a clear “friends, not dating” purpose, a way to talk about more than photos, and good blocking and reporting. Talk-to-strangers apps that pair you at random rarely lead anywhere; a meaningful conversation needs more than a minute.

Where Hasty fits

Hasty is a pen pal app for adults for making friends, not dates: romance isn’t one of the options. You find people by shared languages and interests, and get to know them letter by letter. Each letter travels the real distance between you, so there’s time to think about what you want to say.

More guides

• What to do instead of doomscrolling
• Left on read: why it hurts, and messaging without read receipts
• Should you delete Instagram? How to keep friends without social media
• The dead internet and AI slop: why we built Hasty around letters
• How to spot a pen pal scam (and stay safe writing to strangers)
• Questions to ask a pen pal (and what to write in a letter)
• What is snail mail? Happy mail, mail art and why letters are back
• Stamp collecting for beginners: philately, postmarks and postcard collecting
• Slow living: calm apps, analog hobbies and less screen time
• Feeling lonely? Gentle ways to feel less alone